fun stuff

fits and dizzy spells

gotta love andrew bird.
funny how life works out sometimes.

i'm really strugglin.
looks like all that time of shoplifting is biting me in the ass.
i believe in karma and the good in life catching up to you...and the bad.
i need to give more to others.

why can't i stick to things, especially a budget system.
my brother has to cover some of my rent which is embarrassing since i chew his ass out everytime he owes me money or has a late payment.

a humbling experience.
my dude is super supportive and encouraging but i don't want to rely on him for stuff.
not til there is a ring on my finger will i loose my independence, even then i'm stubborn;)
i did get a sick raise at starbucks but won't know it for two weeks.

gonna be tough.
looks like home time and homework catch up:)
sigh...recap on latley...

1. dinner night with rick
2. wine and cigarettes at doug and jordan's
3. kilroys with morgan
4. got an 86 on my math quiz after bombing the midterm
5. sick raise at work yet flat broke

and there you have it, whats new with you?

fail

damn.
i didn't just not do well i fucking bomb my math midterm.
drop my overall grade 20 percent.
the second i walked out tears poured down my face...who do i call?
mom of course.
i miss her hugs and comforting.

i went into this semester so dedicated and determined.
slowly but surely i started slacking off not making homework a priority and look what happened?
i can't loose this class because if my gpa drops i loose my student aid.
therefore no school.

this is my last shot i have to stick with it and get it done this time.
its so hard working full time and trying to balance other things.
i am fucking broke as shit and can't seem to catch up.
i finally found a good guy i'm content with and don't have time for him.
of course he is sweet and supportive but i don't want to let him down.

its funny when one thing goes wrong all the rest spirals down with it.
i knew i was having some good days...so of course it has to come down sometime.
might seem like a negative outlook but its reality.
im not upset by it and don't let it keep my smile off but its just sucky sometimes.

i have finally found a major i'm confident and excited about and now a class that has nothing to do with it could take it all away from me.
sigh...i'm going to keep going, keep moving forward.

mom will be here in a month.
can't wait.

its coming

so freaking gorgeous outside...driving with my windows down wearing a dress.
beautiful.
summer is coming.

i love spring though...chilly nights.
so have a day off and my phone isn't working so i'm really just taking me time to get school caught up and my head on straight.
i've experience life and i love it and want more...i made myself step out of my comfort zone and chat with a stranger at my fave coffee shop.

insecurity keeps the world from living.
such bullshit.
just reading the first pages in my human services again ignites the flame to do it...gotta keep focused.
still deciding on florida...gotta finish up but i want to move there bad.
money is stupid tight like i don't know how i'm going to make it til my next paycheck but some how i always do...just wake up live a day at a time and know all i can do is keep working and keep smiling.
i refuse to dump my shit on other people...we all have problems.


i honestly believe i'm here on earth to reach out to people and love them.
sigh...well in other news i'm not happy with my relationship with ex boyfriends.
anthony doesn't know how to not cross a line and i want him around so much.
taylor is bitter because i am seeing someone else and i understand its shady but things are going so well and i'm happy....

sigh...just gotta keep my head on straight and live my life.
miss my brother...haven't seen him much.

school and work are consuming my time and the dude isn't getting much...i make time then other lacks...i've got to be responsible this is where i'm at right now so if he wants to be with me he has to accept that.


ps. this guy takes AWESOME photos...the quotes are so inspiring.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/julianbialowas

been awhile

hey there folks.
its been awhile.
other then attack of the ex's i've been on spring break working, making our store number one for whole bean sales in the district and lovin life:)
not havin to do homework is awesome.
finally had a night out with a mixing pot of people, started at the lockerbee ended at howl and haven't ever been that drunk in my entire life, it was epic.
now i'm finding i have an exam this week and missed an assignment already:(
man i suck at school.
well talk to you soon, enjoy this  week don't let the monday's get you down.

so it goes

all good things usually take time.
i'm just letting it unravel, no extra thought just enjoying and taking time...its nice.
i'm okay.
whatever happens i am me and have what it takes to make it.
i am strong and independent and my life journey and experience shows that i'm gonna be okay and when i get a little rusty i have an amazing family and support system to help me out:)

i'm here to spread happy and be a helping hand for those in need.
i've gotta keep a focus and keep my head on straight.
i don't owe everyone an explanation or have to defend myself just live and let live.
i want every day to count and make someone smile and to believe in myself and let no negative thoughts in.
i won't accept failure.