photography

check out my photographs at missmartz.tumblr.com
i'm going to be posting a lot more...i need to find some happy and get back into that.

if anyone would like to model for me or would just like some shots of themselves with better their better half and such let me know!

i need practice!

memories...

found this picture on an old photobucket...me and brandon went to chicago for my 21st...good times.
i miss having my own space and displaying my own creavity.

i feel like i need to express myself but don't know how...
thoughts? suggestions?

and then i found this guy...i love my hair and miss that puppy.

i need to study but i'm distracted

oy.

not a fan of the piercings but love the tats. sick color.

“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.”

strange

its strange that some spend the entire life striving to be someone but never being happy with who they are at the moment...

if i was here i'd be happy, if i had this i'd be okay...blah blah blah.
just be where you're at and enjoy each moment.
i'm not saying don't set goals for yourself and dream of a lovely future but don't miss out on whats here happening now.

chillin at the office with taylor and just thinking about us...its crazy how its all unfolded.
i didn't plan on him being the way he is i'll tell you that.
we got in a fight last night and i don't say fight lightly but that's what it was.
i told him i'm unexplainable furious and will talk to him tomorrow but i'm done conversating...(while you're being an ass is what i wanted to say;)

but then after letting my head calm down a movie i just watched came to mind and they said that when you say you love someone that means the bad too...we have our disagreements but the things and issues that matter we are dead on.

there are so many things through our short relationships and conversations that have just blown my mind how much we are alike.

everything moved fast and sometimes it is weird and i'll be laying in bed thinking who is this stranger next to me but i wouldn't trade it for the world because its slowly but surely turning into sometime beautiful.

i mean come on life is short and you shouldn't waste time with someone unless you are happy and you shouldn't waste time with petty shit either...

one thing that is different is after talking about a future together we both got a bit freaked out and cold feet...there is nothing wrong with that.
i know a relationship takes work and i want to work through it with him but i'm not going to rush anything and think that it HAS to end in marriage or something.

i love him.
thats all i know.
his good and bad.
up here for the weekend excited to talk, hang out, laugh and hold hands...haha...so cheesy i know.
gotta stick to my guns though and remember who i am, hold my head high and stay strong.

all day

i could spend all day on stumbleupon.com looking at quotes and photographs...so inspiring.

i need more beauty in my apartment to look at...i love these.

hahahahahaha

stumbleupon.com

pretty stoked to find this sight...good times ahead.

tick tock tick tock

man can't wait to be out of work today so over it.
i remembered another reason i can't wait for summer...

CONCERTS.

i need an adventure

yes sir its a must have very soon.
today was bullshit...just uber down and under the weather.
so over winter, not over sweaters:)

i need to walk through the woods, climb a fence, lay in the grass and get sweaty!
drive with my windows down, walk around barefoot and go camping!

been listening to radiohead...damn forgot how awesome they were.
doing some homework...or attempting to.
i want to live a healthier lifestyle...eating, no smoking, natural health remedies, better sleep, discipline...not workin right now.

i'm just stupid insecure and stuck in the past...i miss my old life.
always having people over, making memories, having drinks, laughing.
i was still on my own paying bills and such...just had this confidence and no fear of waking up early after a fun night or talking to anyone and just living in the moment.

i get so lost in my head and out of it i spend time alone these days and school is freaking me out...waht if i'm not good at it?
what if i can't find a job and i'm stuck with the debt?
i used to just live love laugh and be so...happy.

beautiful dress

so i have a wedding in may and i want to wear this dress...

i miss the beach

its coming down like cats and dogs...non stop since i woke up at 6am this morning.
i miss the beach.
sigh...work.
i don't know why i psych myself out.
i do my job honestly, follow standards and don't talk badly about customers or partners.

i'm just always on edge and up tight...i spend to much time here i can't do that.
i just have so much i love about my life outside of here...been into natural medicine so i want to save and head over to the whole foods store and get some herbs.

cooking! matthew and i have been addicted to cookbooks and recipes.
i want to get stuff from the grocery and make delicious dinners every night for us!

well back to work...i just want it to be work, keep private not opening up and letting everyone know whats up, keep it surface level.
besides, this isn't my career choice and i am an adult.
i'm stayin off the radar...following dress code, staying quiet, getting my tasks done and following standards.
i will come in on time and leave when i'm off.
i let people intimidate me and control how i feel but you know what not anymore.
if you are rude its not okay and if you are questioning my work ethic...fuck no. you're done.
i'm sick of it.

i've got stuff to do.

day 6

yes sir day six of no smoking...
not going well.
i want it to be special occasions.

i have whiter teeth, feel better, save money...
it is an addiction and its strange because i've never experienced this.
the strangest things are triggering a craving...

i think i might go to three a day to one and slowly quit because cold turkey is impossible and you pick it up full blast again from a massive craving.
thats what happened last time.

i've got to keep hold of my dreams

i'm already feeling weak...the thought of going back home to my normal life is weighing on my happiness.
i've got to keep hold of my dreams and motivations.
most good things take time and energy...its a new year...i'm ready to do this.

kick life in the face

i am going to be a minimalist.
stick to my budget and get balanced.
when i get home i'm breaking three habits...yikes.
1. stop biting my nails
2. quit smoking and for every pack throw that money in a jar to save
3. eat better

oy gotta love vacation but i gotta get my shit in check when i get home.
i'm gonna miss my boy like whoa but this is part of it and he is totally worth it.
this trip has done us good, love it. love him.

taylor

lets explore.
lets have adventures.
i'm excited to fall more in love with you.
its me and you kid...lets do this.

soakin up the sun

beautiful day

a new perspective

being here has really given me a new perspective.
my life has changed.
my future has changed.

i could have stayed in indiana forever like i expected my parents too...
but now i could stay here.
there is a starbucks close by, rent is affordable and a college just off the island!

well i need to finish off this semester at least and i don't want to leave matthew so i'll see where him and kate are at too.

i could get used to the beach.
the life here is just grungy,  relaxed and freaking awesome:)

but i don't want to get ahead of myself...i gotta go back home for now.
so...i need to get organized, balanced.

the little free time i will have i want to devote to my closest friends and try to make out a strict budget to stick to.
i hate my job so i'm going to keep it strictly business.
do what is required and go home, no extra time there.
i usually don't feel as drained when i do so plus being in class no i won't have much extra time.

a new chapter...

so over being sick...

the first day of my life

"yours is the first face that i saw i think i was blind before i met you...i’m glad i didn’t die before i met you but now i don’t care i could go anywhere with you and i’d probably be happy...”

mmm...ready for vacation

so many different people in the world...

i think sometimes thats why i like to change my look...there are so many ways to look, styles to wear, hair colors to have...i just get so excited to do something new!

happy new year folks

this makes me laugh because when my brother teases me i sigh and say not today matthew, not today.