not today

uninspired today.
lyrics are dead, colors are dull.
my spirits are higher then yesturday but i want to see beauty, feel something.
at my starbucks catchin up on reading trying to finalize my school shit.

no wonder people don't go back, its a pain in the ass just to get started.
when i think about us the sting isn't there today.
i don't think i like that.
one good day tends to make me take on more then i'm really ready for and i crash hard later.
i need to take it a day at a time.
got my bills in order, have a lovely apartment, my friends are bad ass and i'm headed to school...look at me being all optimistic.

i prefer to be more of a realist.
some say that's cynical but if you keep it real then you are less to be disappointed or really taken back by a blow.

that doesn't mean i don't think there is good in the world but well its fading for sure.
there is something exhilarating about depression.
life is a live and kicking your ass.
i like that feeling sometimes.

makes me work harder.
live stronger.
keep things in persepective.
i don't see how love is really ever going to work out for me.
just doensn't make any sense in the romantic sense.
i love friends and family but another half...nah.
not for me.

he was the only one that i could be committed to or really happy giving my life to.
i'm aware of my surroundings today.
makes me insecure, anxious.
i don't like that.

i need to get some new ink.