so far gone

wow.
what a blow.
its like someone i love has died and i'm all alone in this fucked up world.
i never thought anything could be like this, feel like this.

its what we do, we're fucked up.
god i understand how terrible i was but i love you with my whole heart and want to be there for you, love you and reassure you everyday for the rest of my life how much you mean to me.

i want to listen to your views, your problems and just be one together again.
its never going to happen.
i don't know how to accept that.

i was given chance after chance and so much love and forgiveness...how could i be so awful?
i've lost my other half, my heart forever.

i will never have a peace of mind about it.
i keep thinking i should give it one more shot, say one more thing do something more...doesn't matter.
he is really done.

i know it seems a bit dramatic.
i'll be okay.
life will go on.

but i want to spend my life alone just to show you i was for real and my love is only for you.
that's fucked up.
i don't want to forget.

i can't be with anyone else, i've tried.
i'm not going to hurt anyone else.
guess its just me for awhile...here goes a life of shit.
i deserve every bit of it.

i love you anthony sousa.
always and forever.

ha i'm so pathetic.
like he will ever read this.
like it would change a thing.

my words mean nothing even to me.
he doesn't think of me anymore...its over.

i have to get it.